


Back To You

by HouseGameOfPotter



Series: Jonerys Valentine's Challenge 2019 [4]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Five Years Later, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Heartache, Literal tears were shed writing this, Miscarriage, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Sadness, Tears, upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 11:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17827928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseGameOfPotter/pseuds/HouseGameOfPotter
Summary: Five Years after she last looked into those eyes, repressed memories and hurt bubble under her skin. She never stopped loving him, she never thought he would feel the same too.





	Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> As you know, I am taking part in a challenge on tumblr by user 'JonerysFic' and 'MhysaOfDragons' in which for seven days from Valentines day I am uploading a new one shot. The prompts have been provided and the stories have all been written and I gotta say you're in for a lot of Jonerys content.
> 
> So Day 4, 17th February, which is when I'm uploading this, the prompt I chose was 'Break up'. This was hard to wrote, and just a warning, ya'll gonna cry. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy, please leave kudos and comments if you do, it will mean the world!

The face was very familiar to her, the haunted soul she’d once loved, the one if she was honest with herself never stopped loving, standing across from her on the other side of the cake aisle. His hair was still dark as a Raven’s wing, his eyes still deep enough to get so completely lost in and skin smoother than the pick-up line he’d used when they first dated. 

_ All the stars in the universe never amounted to you _ , she thinks to herself as a lonely part of her aches to be held by his arms once more, even all these years later. 

A large plethora of men had followed him, but none ever compared. And how could they? They never held her when she was lost and furiously upset over her parents divorce, they never bought her donuts from the bakery with the rainbow sign at the front, they never knew her so intimately that she’d cum from just talking dirty. 

No man would ever come close. 

“How have you been?” He asks her and she finds something, deep and rooted in her heart that wants to tell him exactly how she feels, that the day he walked out was the day she really died. There’s something in his eyes, it tells her that he’s feeling some kind of way to this interaction, and she hoped in her heart of hearts that he felt the same. 

“Fine” She can’t look at his eyes anymore, she’s feeling her emotions bubble up to the surface, feeling lust and fear and heartbreak and loneliness all threatening to consume her body, in this supermarket. 

She hadn’t expected to find him shopping here, after all the years that had passed, somewhere so trivial just didn’t seem right. She expected to meet him again, if she ever did, when she was finally over him and happily married with someone else. But the truth is that’d just mean she’d never see him again, because she’d never be happy without him. 

“Big night?” He asks politely, looking in the trolley in which it just had seven bottles of wine and chocolate so far. Cake was about to join the roster, and then perhaps more wine if this conversation went on any longer. 

“I hate Valentine’s day” She shrugged. They both know why, and the way he tenses up as she speaks those words signifies that they both hate it, that it’s something so repressed within themselves that even acknowledging it to each other brings out feelings of bile and upset. 

_ You left me.  _

_ You left me at my most vulnerable moment. _

Death of an unborn child, that’s what had started this meteoric fall out between the two of them. One minute they were in love and lust and happiness at the prospect of a child to call their own. But then, cruelly, she miscarried and that fact caused the ruin of their relationship. 

He did give her time and space, but she never recovered, even still to this day she wondered frequently on what she had lost all those years ago, both the baby and him subsequently. They just fell apart, one of them stuck in the moment, not being able to let go, the other urging them both to move on and be in love. 

_ I couldn’t mourn her if I moved on. _

“I best go” He sighs, and she finds herself cursing everything about this whole damn situation. She wants to be polite and say it was nice to see him again, and it was, it was almost heavenly, but it was gut-wrenching in pain too and so she couldn’t function, her mouth wouldn’t move, she just watched him give a half smile and walk away. 

\--

_ Sitting on the sofa, drinking wine and eating more cake than is considered healthy, a perfect way to not think about things and forget my troubles _ . 

It was later that evening and she was ruing her chance to tell him things that she’d long wanted to say to him. She never blamed him, only herself, he’d loved her with everything he had and she knew it. But somehow she still expected him to stay, even after giving everything he had, she expected there to be more. 

She’d gone to so many meetings with therapists just to be able to control the fits of anger, to learn to put her fear and regret away in a box, to not think on the little girl she almost had. It had worked for a while, but the edges of the box seeped out slowly and then all at once and she’d just collapsed in on herself. 

Now she was just a machine almost, going to work, coming home, crying and drinking, going to work, coming home, crying and drinking. Five years and she was still a sorry mess over everything that happened, still wishing that nothing would’ve split them apart, that they could’ve had their child and watched her grown and love and learn. 

_ I love you, I still do after all this time. _

She missed the way he said her name when they made love, like a whisper on water, pure and joyous. She missed the way he wrapped his arms around her, his strength and firm love gave comfort and protection whenever she needed it. 

Mostly she missed him, just sitting next to him on the TV watching random rubbish, laughing until all hours and laughing entrances on talent shows. She missed his intelligence, his companionship, she freaking loved him with every fibre of her body and soul and five years still couldn’t chance that. 

She drank the wine more and more until a whole bottle was gone and she was nothing more than a crying mess on the floor, that she was a person of regret and ruined mascara. She eyed her phone on the table and wished there was someone she could talk to. 

_ Him, talk to him. _

The forbidden thought lingered in the recesses of her mind before she acted on it. Telling her she was being equal parts foolish and brave, her mind tried to think of every excuse to stop her and yet almost autonomously, she reached for the iphone on the table. 

She wondered if he still had the same number, as she never deleted it from her phone, hoping that one day he would call her and be all sentimental and want her back the way she does him. She dialled it…

Voicemail. 

Does she leave one?

The beep happens and she finds herself unable to hang up, wanting to say so many things and not even knowing where to start, feeling so completely fearful of repercussions but also needing closure. Something needed to happen, words needed to be spoken. 

“I never told you enough, how special you were. I never told you enough that I’d move ocean and land for you. I never told you, how much I fucking love you and still do after all these years” She’s shaky, her eyes threatening to leak at any moment. “I’m so in love with you, Jon”

She is unsure of how she should speak, wanting to make this call a moment in which she can look back on and say she tried and it gave her some form of closure, that she did everything in her power to let him know all her card on the table. 

“She would’ve been five this week, beautiful skin and dark curls like you, all mystery and wonder and love and curiosity and devotion. She would’ve loved the rainbow sprinkled donuts from the bakery on Dorne Street. She would’ve loved Ghost and played with him from sunrise to sunset. She would’ve l-loved you, just like I do. 

I- I don’t know what to do Jon, I’m so broken and lost and fragile and scared. Life has broken me, nobody has protected me from that, and living alone hasn’t either. Solitude has broken me with it’s yearning and I’ve realised that we have to love, it’s why we’re here on the planet. You have to risk the heartache and being swallowed up by the bullshit that happens, because without love, there’s nothing to stop you from being swallowed completely. And that’s what’s happening to me now, I’m losing myself with every day that passes.

I don’t know why I’m calling, seeing you in front of me, in that shop, made me feel such hurt and fear and longing. But I know that I love you, that this heart of mine aches for you every waking second, that so many men have tried to worm their way into my life and I can’t let them, I can’t risk it, when my heart is still entirely yours”

She fully sobbing now, salt rolling down her cheeks and shuddering hurt vibing through her skin. She wants to scream, to throw shit around her house and mourn for the life she once had. She hangs up, unable to face the phone anymore, wanting nothing than the ringing in her head to stop. 

In a rageful fight, spurred on by sorrow, she throws her phone at the wall and is surprised when it doesn’t smash. She slides off of the sofa and hits the floor with a thud. Her heart and stomach and mind were sick, she was in pain everywhere and the gut-wrenching hurt within her came out in choked screams. 

She’s crying, and crying and crying and it feels like it’s hours before she stops, not that she does, she’s sniffling as she drags her limbs to her staircase, unable to face the climb and just sitting on the bottom few, her heart in pieces and her own self completely lost within her. 

_ I wish you was here… _

\--

She doesn’t know when she fell asleep, but she was sore and stiff when she awoke to the ringing of her doorbell a few feet in front of her. She never got up the stairs, just laid on them in self-pity and shame at what had happened in her life. 

The doorbell is ringing furiously and half of her thinks perhaps she’s missed work, that it’s Missandei trying to find her and wonder where the hell she was, but her bleary eyes focused on the hall clock and saw it was only two in the morning. 

Pulling herself out of the strange slump she was in, she used the bannister to stand and straightened out her appearance to the best of her ability. Her mascara was all down her face and her eyes themselves were puffy and red. Her head throbbed and the constant ringing of the doorbell made her mind shake almost. 

_ I’m coming. _

She fumbles for her keys in the bowl by the mirror and find the one for the front door. She pushes the key in the lock and clicks the mechanism so it unlocks, her hands shaking as she makes for the handle to open it. She pulls the door open with her shaking strength and rubs her eyes to see who is standing there. 

Him. 

She feels panic and grief and love and devotion and want all bubble under the skin’s surface. His eyes are red too as if he had the same grief stricken feeling inside them both. There was trepidation in them both, unsure of how they go about talking to one another. 

In a frenzied fervour their lips were on one another's and their arms were fully embracing and supporting each other’s bodies. The kiss was sad impassioned and yet there was a warming hope within it too, as his soft and full lips traded with her small and dainty ones. He tastes exactly the same, forest and fire and smolder as he sets her lips alight with need and passion. 

It’s urgent, apologetic, wilful, fearful and somehow makes them both hungry for more as if incomplete. Her mind is a racing car, speeding at 200 miles and hour while it tries to make up from the years of loneliness so deep rooted within her skin. It was completely insane, how sad but hopeful the kiss was, both of them feeling complete and utter emotion course through them. 

His hands are on her neck, warm and supporting, touching skin that was fire and cooling it with his devotion. Their tongues collides in a hauntingly beautiful movement, slow and serene but also fast and chaotic. Her heart was clamouring in her chest, wanting him to love her again, wanting him to be the one to feel the pain she had done without it. 

When their lips parted, and his head rested on her forehead, the expression of love that followed would be something she never forgot. “I love you, Daenerys Targaryen, with every single fibre in my existence, and I am so sorry for what I did”

Hearing those words leave a completely euphoric feeling coursing through her veins. She cannot believe that this man is here, professing his love five years after walking out, five years after the loss of their baby girl, five years after giving up on each other. 

“I love you, Jon, I love you so much I’ve never stopped. Even though it’s killed me, I couldn’t move on, I just couldn’t” She sobbed, both of them with tears in their eyes. “You loved me with everything you had, and I was so closed off and fearful and I felt gross and dirty after we lost her and I couldn’t control it”

“It’s okay, it’s okay baby girl” He cooed, stroking her hair, holding her to him in a moment so tender, she couldn’t and didn’t want to leave it forever. “I’m not leaving you again, it’s going to be tough, but I’ll do it for you, I’ll do anything for you”

She let him in the house, and they talked for hour about what they do to go from that moment on. They decided between them both to see a grief counsellor together, as it was revealed he too, had broken down several times about the loss of the little girl they didn’t have. It was to be a long and rocky road ahead of them, but they both knew they needed to walk that road, together. 

_ We walk together. _


End file.
